Ancient Albatross RADM Kunkel's

Roost Address and Commandant Introduction

Good Evening Fellow Aviators - For those of you that don't know me, I'm Dave Kunkel - Coast Guard Aviator #1726 and Ancient Albatross #20. 

Our Coast Guard aviation history is long and distinguished and tonight we are especially fortunate to have three of my predecessors in attendance: Ancient Albatrosses #10 VADM Deese Thompson - #13 VADM Howie Thorsen – and my immediate predecessor #19 RADM Jim Olson.  Also in attendance tonight is Mr. Norm Horton, Aviator #187 – our earliest designated aviator here tonight.  At the end of the dais sits our ancient mariner – VADM Papp.  Too bad he didn’t come in garb – too many aviators?

Tonight it is my distinct honor to introduce our Keynote speaker -  our 23rd Commandant - Admiral Thad Allen.  This is the first time Admiral Allen has ever addressed the Ancient Order - and let's hope it's not the last.  But before you step forward Sir, please permit me a few minutes to prebrief you as to the composition of the audience tonight - preflights are important - cause let's face it - we aviators are known to have a few quirks - no really -  and I wouldn't want you – as the Boss - to be taken by surprise.

For the most part the audience is divided into three rather distinct groups:

More than likely - sitting up front - will be the fixed wingers.  No need to raise your hands - we know who you are.  The fixed wingers are the ones with the big watches and the expensive $100 double knit polyester suits – with the wide lapels. Not that they have big egos - but I know that more than a few of them still carry mirrors and combs in their pockets.....and I'm sure that some still have a stack of un-cashed per diem checks with them as well. Sir - don't be surprised if some also arrive late to their seats - something about crew rest and being in the 8 day bag – I mean come on – this is a Saturday night.  And don't be distracted by their constant chattering - as we all know, the fixed wing types not only sit closely together, they tend to talk incessantly about trivia – but mostly about food.  It's not their fault - they were trained that way.  You know - you've heard them in the cockpit....it goes like this....as they take runway centerline....and hold hands as they set takeoff power -------- throttles up - brakes released - 80 knots - trim check - my yoke - V-1 - rotate - wheels up - flaps up - hey! pass up a box lunch - will ya? Darn bologna sandwich - hey - wanna trade??  You’ll see it - there may actually be some swapping of plates tonight.

In the middle we have our rotary wing brethren.  They're easy to spot too.  They also have big watches - only they're knock offs - like ROLUX and BREETLING.  They’re probably wearing their one and only suit and their wives made them wear ties tonight. Don't be taken back - sir -  that if sometime during your talk, you'll see a few of them nervously tapping their fingers on the table. They are the impatient ones - hoist complete - patient onboard - let's go home - I'm sure that the USC football game is still on – tune up the ADF.  More than likely they'll be up and out of their seat a few times during your speech as well. These are the brooders - just like in the cockpit - they know they are usually just seconds away from something going wrong - another caution light - they worry about everything - usually about the lack of fuel and the bad weather.  And finally, this group is always the first in line at the bar - of course, cause the fixed wingers lost at poker and are usually buying.

And sir - I'm sure there are probably a few in the audience that were dual qualified - flew both fixed and rotary wing aircraft.  These folks are an odd and confused lot.  They just never knew which aircraft to run to when the gong went off. My advice - sir - just look the other way.

And finally - sitting in the back of the room - the "red raggers".  (bring out the red rag)   The maintainers - the engineers – Mr. Goodwrench - they can fix virtually anything - but still bear watching. Their top of the line – goodwill - $50 suits have grease stains on them.  They may not be wearing socks but trust me they probably have a wrench in their pocket.  They have the philosophy that - "you breaka my plane, I breaka your face."  Oh - the engineers wear big watches too - only they usually wear two of them - one on each wrist - come on - redundancy in aviation is a good thing. And of course, each watch has an imbedded calculator and is capable, if needed, of supporting the Space Shuttle.  Really, we all love the engineers – as you know, aviators have occasionally broken down at a few exotic places - thanks be to that ingenious air crewman for throwing that infamous RON switch. You may laugh - sir - but if you get a chance as you leave tonight, check out the parking lot -  the red raggers are notorious for driving old - no - very old - but very fast cars.  Unfortunately most of the cars are painted green -  their favorite color - no wonder - green lights on the aircraft status board make them smile.  Red lights, on the other hand, infuriate them - and a red stop light is just another challenge - and another reason why they drive old and fast cars.

So there you are.  Perhaps this prebriefing was all unnecessary, as I know you've been in more than just a few Coast Guard aircraft yourself.  In fact - I distinctly remember you relating to me that during your extended sabbatical in New Orleans after Katrina -  as part of your duties, you often flew aboard Coast Guard aircraft.  I also know that - unfortunately, you made more than a few precautionary landings. There’s good news here - you landed safely - and you had the opportunity to meet with the local farmers and complement them on their fine herd of cattle - so welcome to the crowd - we've all been there and done that.

Ladies and gentlemen - it really is my pleasure to welcome Admiral Thad Allen, our Commandant - to the podium.  Welcome to the Ancient Order.